We belong together
by Slytherin-Abbyforever
Summary: Gabby. Post-Hiatus. Songfic "We belong together" by Mariah Carey. First fic in Abby's POV. A tiny bit dark.


Title: WE BELONG TOGETHER  
Pairing: Gabby  
Rating: 16+ for swearing and adult themes.  
Author's notes: First time writing in present tense, so don't hassle me about it being off in some places. Also first time writing in Abby's POV, but feel free to hassle me about that. Slightly darker than my usual Gabby's, but not the darkest thing I have penned.  
Song: We belong together-Mariah Carey  
Spoilers: POST HIATUS, therefore SPOILERS FOR HIATUS eventhough I hadn't seen it when I wrote it.

**WE BELONG TOGETHER**

_**I should have held on tight  
I never should have let you go**_

"Gibbs?" I asked, hearing my own voice struggling to utter more than that. And even if my voice was going to allow me further protest, his finger stopped me. My compensation, a kiss on the cheek. Yes, it was the most tender kiss we have ever shared but how the hell is that supposed to make me feel okay with the fact that he is leaving us, more specifically me for an unknown period of time? It isn't. It's a bastard thing to do.

"Abigail, Gibbs wants to talk to you before I take him to the airport." Ducky says into the phone as he waits for Gibbs to pack the only things he is taking to Mexico.  
"No." I say simply.  
"Come on." He urges me and I know that he got Ducky to call me because he knows I would never hang up on him.  
"If he wants to talk to me, I am willing to tomorrow. In person." I compromise.  
"You know that isn't going to happen."  
"Then neither is the conversation he wants with me until he thinks about what he is actually doing." I say getting angrier and starting to get pissed at Ducky for thinking he was going to convince me.  
"I think that he has thought about it very seriously, my dear." Ducky tries.  
"I know you're one of his closest friends, but you are allowed to tell him he is making a stupid mistake." I remind him.  
"I have no idea what he has been through and I trust that he is doing what he feels he has to." Ducky tells to me in that 'Understanding' tone.  
"That's bull-crap." I say.  
"One second." Ducky tells me and it isn't a big shock that the delay is Gibbs grabbing the phone out of Ducky's hand.  
"Abs."  
"Don't you call me that, and put Ducky back on." I say expressing as much hurt as I feel and he knows it.  
"No. I need to talk to you." He says trying to sound gruff but failing as he always did with me. And I have no idea what possesses as I slam the phone down, but I feel slightly better, as if he could finally feel the way I do. Even just a little.

_**I could never fathom I would ever  
Be without your love  
Never imagined I'd be  
Sitting here beside myself**_

My poor Bert. If he was alive, I would have already squeezed him to death.

"You would never leave me like that." I complain to him as I sit in the dark silence my lab has become. And I am not insane, I know that a stuffed toy would never be able to leave me or hear what I am saying but it's all I can do to prevent myself from crying. I wonder if there are other's out there that can prevent themselves from crying because they are stubborn and refuse to give another the satisfaction, or am I the only one.  
"Abs." I hear from the door that swooshed open without my knowledge.  
"Go away." I mutter. I should have remained quiet and maybe the figure would have disappeared rather than be fast approaching me.  
"Abby, what are you doing on the floor?" The figure asks and I can now decipher the voice as belonging to Tony.  
"Wallowing in my own self-pity. I'll get up later." I tell him in the calmest tone I can muster.  
"Wanna talk about it?" He asks as he sits next to me.  
"No." I say simply.  
"I don't know why he is doing it but there has to be a good reason for him to leave. I mean, this place is his life." Tony tries. He puts his arm around me for comfort and I lean into him because, it is comforting. For so long, then it has no effect.  
"I wanna be mad at him for a while." I inform him.  
"Okay." He agrees and we sit in silence for an unknown number of minutes. We part with the agreement that if I want to talk or need company that he is there.

_**Cos I didn't know you  
Cos I didn't know me  
But I thought I knew everything.**_

_FLASHBACK  
"So, you're our new lab tech?" He asked me as he entered my lab for the first time since I had started.  
"It's Abby." I answered not liking the reference he had come up with to call me. It would not surprise me to hear that he never once referred to all the scientists that came before me by their first names. Why was I special enough to get a nickname from the Boss-man? Maybe because I demanded not to be called by my occupation, rather than my given name.  
"Okay, Abby. Welcome to NCIS." He said formally and the stance and haircut told me 'former marine' for sure.  
"Thank you."_

And we did get closer as the years passed and the agents came and went. Then the silent agreement formed that he became my Caf-Pow dealer, for some reason long forgotten by me. And yet with all my education, I was stupid enough to think I had this man figured out. Hell, I thought I had myself figured out too but these are thoughts that are droning in my brain right now. Do I really know?

"Don't go there." I tell myself feeling the familiar mood creeping back. The feeling that at one stage in my life nearly killed me. Instead it left me with all the anger to immerse myself in death and darkness. And even though my clothing and interests still indicate to strangers how damaged I am, the smile I have worn since I pulled myself out of that place has fooled friends. My own dimples betraying my reflection in the mirror. I know that I need to talk to someone, or see someone. I know at this stage with my current attitude that there needs to be someone here to keep me out of that place. I can't go back there again. It was way too hard to get out and there was a special agent there with enough strength to deal with me.

"Tony." I croak into the phone as he picks up.  
"Abs, I'm on my way." He says obviously recognizing something in my voice that scares him.

"Abby, open up." He yells at my door. My neighbors would appreciate that at 2AM. Do I care? No.  
"Coming." I yell back.  
"Tell me." He says as I open the door and let him in. He storms passed me and I can tell that he rushed to my apartment. Obviously worried.  
"I wanted someone else here. And you did offer if I wanted company, unless you were busy then I don't mind you leaving." I lie. I am so relieved knowing he is there.  
"No. I'm here. I know that tone though, Abs. Talk to me." He says sitting. I don't know if I want him to know all my dark, shameful secrets. I have already exposed myself to another and he left me with a kiss and a look.  
"What? I just felt lonely." I lie again.  
"Abby."  
"What? Ducky called me to tell me that Gibbs wanted to talk to me." I express.  
"What did he say?" Tony asks patting the area on the couch next to him. I sit and get comfortable.  
"I hung up on Gibbs."  
"Why?" He asks not understanding.  
"He knows things about me. He of all people knows how much I need him. It wasn't right, what he did."

_**Oh, what I wouldn't give  
To have you lying by my side  
Right here, cos  
When you left I lost a part of me  
It's still so hard to believe  
Come back, please  
Cos we belong together. **_

And I keep telling myself that he survived the explosion and many other things. He has his memory back and wants to relax for the first time in his life. I know that he is not dead and I am acting like he is. But he broke my heart no matter how I try to look at it. And I always thought that he would be part of my life, and suddenly he is gone. Just like that. Not fair.

"Abby, what are you doing?" Tony asks me as he feels me get up.  
"Nothing. Go back to sleep." I tell him. I didn't even realize we were that tired as we dozed off on the couch.  
"Are you sure?" He asks groggy and I know he is barely awake.  
"Yeah." I say but again, another lie.

I walk into the kitchen with every intention of getting a drink. I open the fridge and see a large Caf-Pow there. Normally that would be great news to me but now it just reminds me of all the things I want to forget. I pull out the large cup and throw it with all my strength at the wall. The container buckles under the force and propels caffeinated drink all over my walls. This very act has given me little if any satisfaction and I am now pissed off so my anger is then directed at the bench. This time I have nothing so I just slam my fist into the bench catching my wrist on the sharp edge. Never my intention. Of all the things I am, I am not suicidal nor do I cut to feel something. Never have been.  
"Ow. Damn it." I curse not realizing this very action is going to alert the special agent who is already wound up tight sleeping on my couch. I couldn't help it though, it did hurt and I would need help controlling the bleeding.  
"Abs!" He says jumping up drawing his weapon bolting straight to me.  
"It's fine." I say. Wonder how much I am gonna lie to him tonight.  
"What did you do?" He yells spotting my wrist and the mass amount of blood around.  
"I didn't do it on purpose." I try. Finally the truth.  
"Yeah, okay." He says and I know that tone. That's the 'I know your talking crap' tone.  
"Tony, I did not. It was accident." I say as he tightly wraps a towel around my wrist. "Ow. Careful." I complain.  
"We will definitely talk about this later, but right now help me." He says as he drags me to the bathroom.  
"If you think I did this to myself on purpose, leave. I don't need your help." I yell knowing that pissed off look he is wearing.  
"You do need my help and professional help." He judges. I pull my wrist out of his grip just as he starts to run cold water on it. I would rather pass out at that point from the blood loss than be accused of something I am not.  
"Get out!" I yell.  
"No. There is no way I am leaving you like this."

The next time my door opened in came a pissed off medical examiner and special agent. I didn't want to see either of them and the other guest in my house was also not welcome at that point.  
"Abigail, what did you do?" Ducky asks as he examines my wrist that has slowly started to stop bleeding. That is only thanks to Tony's efforts but right now I am not ready to thank him.  
"It was an accident." I try again.  
"Are you insane?" Gibbs asks me. Of all people.  
"What the hell do you care?" I spit out at him.  
"Abby, this is the worst way to react to the situation." Ducky tells me as he tightly and painfully bandages my wrist.  
"I got pissed off. Threw my Caf-Pow which only pissed me off further." I start to explain.  
"So you cut your self?" Gibbs asks me. He is not helping the situation at all.  
"No. I have never and you know that." I yell at him. Who the hell is he to judge me?  
"Well…?"  
"I cracked it and punched the bench but my wrist hit the edge of it and that is where this happened." I say pointing to my aching wrist. "Not that it's your business."  
"Since when?" He asks. I can't believe the guts of this one.  
"Since you walked out on us. On your team. On me. Us." I say and the final words choke me.  
"Abby, you have to understand some things." He says calming down. Finally it seems that they believe me.  
"I'll be in the other room." Ducky says excusing himself. Tony left with the excuse he had to clean the blood and Caf-Pow off the kitchen surfaces. My guess, Ducky's gonna help him now.  
"You know I would never leave unless I had to." He says. He sits next to me on the edge of the bath.

_**Who else am I gonna lean on  
When times get rough  
Who's gonna take your place  
There aint nobody better  
We belong together.**_

"Well…?" I ask putting a hand around my wrist to stop the throbbing.  
"I just can't do it anymore." He tries. I can see more behind that statement.  
"We've all been there. You saw me there more than once." I try and grab his hand, not sure why. Maybe because he can't go anywhere without it. "And I want you to help you now, like you helped me."  
"Abby, I'm beyond that. I just need time away." He assures me and I can feel that he wants to pull away.  
"From us? Me?" I ask. I can now look him directly in the eye, but he suddenly can't do the same for me.  
"It's got nothing to do with anyone else but myself."  
"I see. Then go." I say releasing his hand an fighting back my own emotion.  
"It is that much harder now." He complains. He doesn't get up and I wont move so it suddenly becomes awkward. The first time it has ever felt that way between us.  
"Well…I tried." I say. We are both just sitting looking forward and now seated beside each other, we are not at all looking at each other. "I need you." I choke out into the silence that has filled the room.  
"No you don't." He tells me. Me. Of all people that should know that I was speaking the truth.  
"Fine. Why are you still here then?" I ask getting nasty. I am sick to death of these mind games with him.  
"Abs." He says to get me to look at him, but I can't. I can feel as his strong callused hand touches my face and starts to move until I am staring straight into blue eyes. One of those corny television moments. Usually. And like all the shows and movies play out, the inevitable kiss is imminent, I pull away though.  
"Don't do it unless you mean it." I snap. More mind games.  
"Don't you want this?" He asks me.  
"More than anything but not if you're still leaving me. Don't make it even harder on me, because I couldn't take it at this stage."  
"I have to go, Abs." He tells me.  
"Then don't kiss me." And the fact that he has chosen this moment to finally express how he feels about me pisses me off.  
"Okay." He says understanding. That angers me too. He gets up and leaves the room. I am not leaving the bathroom until I know he is gone.

"Abs, are you okay in there?" Tony says from the door. I know what he's thinking.  
"I did not cut myself, so don't worry. I am not in here offing myself." I yell back.  
"Want me to come in or do you want to be alone?" He asks timidly. I realize I have just discovered another of Tony's fears.  
"I'm coming out. Is he gone?" I ask.  
"Yes." He says and I open the door to leave.  
"Bastard." I mutter.

_**I can't sleep at night  
When you are on my mind  
I only think of you  
And it's breaking my heart**_

Bastard has even prevented me from sleeping. Thoughts pummeling my brain when sleep is the only time my brain gets a break. Caffeine has worn off, I'm in physical and emotional pain, regrets are coursing through me. How the hell am I supposed to shut off? I get up in search of caffeine knowing that if I start my buzz now, I should be able to get through another day at work on no sleep. Of course, I'll have to send the other boys or go without my Caf-Pow's during the day.

"Gibbs, hope you're sleeping sounding tonight. Big flight tomorrow." I mutter and I can't remember the last time I was this pissed at him for this long. I sit with my first coffee for the day, of course it is 'just' a new day being only about 3am. Nothing on TV and I am so over everything I own on DVD and video right now.  
"Not really." I hear from the doorway. I have always hated how he sneaks up on me so subtlety.  
"Gibbs, what are you doing here?" I ask, and out of sheer habit I pour him a cup of coffee. I realize too late what I have done and hope he doesn't take it as forgiveness on my part.  
"Couldn't sleep. And then have to leave with the way I have left it with you."  
"No real point. This is how it is going to be left if you are still leaving and I know you are. The only way to resolve any of this is to not leave." I inform him. He can be stubborn but I am just as stubborn and he knows it. And it appears that neither of us are willing to give up on this one.  
"Come with me." He blurts out.  
"What?" I ask not sure if I heard him right.  
"Come with me to Mexico. I never felt right leaving you, I am still going and I now know how strongly we feel about each other. And rule 12 is gone." He tells me.  
"I can't leave. NCIS needs me, I need my job which I love. Plus, my family at NCIS is important to me. I can't just up and leave them." I say and it kills me to turn him down but it is the best thing to do at this point.  
"I need you." He reveals. Sitting there he looks so vulnerable. The still present bruises and cuts don't help.  
"I told you earlier that I am here for you to help you. But only here, I can't be there." I tell him. My turn to give him an ultimatum. "And I need more than a few hours to decide on such a huge change. I deserve more than a few hours." I offer. I figure that if he stays to wait for me then he is less likely willing to leave eventually. I know that this was a spur of the moment decision on his part. It is now left up to me to convince him to actually think about it and reconsider.  
"So, you would actually consider it?" He asks me.  
"With time, yes." I say and it is not completely a lie. If I had enough time and things were serious between he and I.  
"I can do that." He compromises.  
"What's that?" I ask for clarification.  
"Wait. But I can't go back to NCIS. I am decided on that." He says trying to put his foot down with me.  
"You would not go because of me?" I ask unable to believe that I was able to persuade the decisive agent. Ex-agent rather.  
"Only because I would not survive it without you. I am damaged." He says seeming defeated. How can I stay mad at that?  
"You think you're damaged? I thought knowing me would convince you that you're far from it in comparison." I joke but there is truth there and he knows it. I get up and kneel in front of where he is sitting so I can look up into his eyes. I clutch his hands again for both our comfort.

_**I need you  
Need you back in my life**_

And this would have been our hundredth kiss, at least, but this was the first proper kiss. He had kissed me too many times to be appropriate at work, on the cheek, on the head, my finger, never on the lips. And never with this much love and passion. This was more incredible than I had even imagined.

And still years later, I have a part of myself that remembers that he had one foot out the door. He was ready to leave us, and more specifically me. And I know that there's a part of me that won't ever forgive him for thinking that what he was doing was acceptable. And I also cant help but think that if I hadn't of made such a huge deal out of it, got pissed off and needed Ducky at my house, he would have continued packing. He would have got on that plane and that would be it. And the scar I have now cutting through my triangle tattoo's on the inside of my wrist, have scarred more than just my wrist. And how ironic, that it was that tatt that was struck, the one that I got to symbolize the ups and downs of life.

And we still have not made it to Mexico but we are happier than either of us have ever been. It may not be Gibbs and Abby forever but for now, the option is there. That is enough for me.

Abbyforever


End file.
